“Why Does This @#%& Happen to Me?”

Hello, friends. Is your life just brimming with holiday merriment these days? (And by “merriment,” I mean total and utter chaos.) Mine is. Here’s an example.

This past weekend, my brother-in-law came for a visit, which was awesome. But it’s the first time we’ve had an overnight guest in a while, and our guest room doubles as my office. And the guest room/office was a complete mess that I’ve ignored for too long (confession: YEARS), so I had to spend some time cleaning. It took me a week to clean it, in fact — though I had to clean at night, since I spend my days working and running after a very active toddler. Needless to say, I didn’t get a lot of sleep in the lead-up to the visit. And then, on Saturday, our kiddo came down with a cold.

I went to bed exhausted on Saturday night, but I was woken up at 2am by the kiddo crying for me. “Woken up” is an overstatement; I stumbled out of bed only half-awake and headed in the direction of the crying as quickly as possible. This was a mistake, for several reasons.

  1. As mentioned, I was only half-awake; I’m not even sure my eyes were open.
  2. I was moving way too fast.
  3. So fast, in fact, that I neglected to open our closed bedroom door.

WHAM. My face, particularly my nose, came in full contact with the door, a la Wile E. Coyote after the Road Runner paints a picture of a tunnel on a rock.

While my husband attended to our son (who, it turns out, just needed a tissue), I spent the remainder of the night writhing in pain in the fetal position with an ice pack on my face, moaning “Why does this @#%& happen to me?” and “Do you think I broke my nose?”

Luckily, I didn’t break my nose; I just hope the headaches and bruising clear up by Christmas. As for why this @#%& happens to me, I can only come to one conclusion — that it continues to give me stories to entertain you.

P.S. Speaking of entertaining, on Friday I will be posting a schedule of my upcoming events and appearances to promote The Unintentional Adventures of the Bland Sisters: The Jolly Regina. I’ve been brushing up on my pirate talk, so I hope I might see you!